“What are at least ten ways you can think of to encourage a coaching client?” asked my friend and fellow coach Ken Kessler when he challenged other coaches on Facebook.
Ken’s question inspired me to think of how I would answer.
Here are ten ways that I encourage my coaching clients.
1. Encourage by believing in the client.
Before we focus on the client, we must first be clear about our own mindset and beliefs about our client. If you don’t believe that your client has the ability and the resources to achieve her goals, you will not be able to encourage (literally, “to put courage into”) her.
Belief in the client undergirds one of International Coaching Federation’s (ICF) core competencies: co-creating the coaching relationship. We encourage clients by establishing a safe and supportive environment that produces ongoing mutual respect and trust.
2. Encourage by paying full attention to the client.
We encourage clients by paying our full attention to them.
One way to do that is by active listening. The ICF defines active listening as “the ability to focus completely on what the client is saying and is not saying, to understand the meaning of what is said in the context of the client’s desires, and to support client self-expression.”
Nothing encourages a client more than the experience of being heard and understood.
I currently have a client who just wants me to listen and give feedback on some ideas and concerns that he’s been wrestling with for a long time. He hasn’t been able to find someone who would do that with him without judging. He is encouraged that he now has a thinking partner.
3. Encourage by helping clients reach their goals.
Being heard and understood can be greatly encouraging during a coaching conversation.
However, clients experience sustained encouragement when they reach their goals. People don’t buy coaching, they buy results. When clients achieve their desired results, they are encouraged!
4. Encourage by reframing “failures” into opportunities for learning.
Sometimes our clients fall short of their goals. In these cases, we can encourage our clients by exploring with them ways that they can shift their viewpoint in order to find new meaning, new awareness, and/or new possibilities for action.
Maneet Chauhan once wrote: “There are no failures in life: only learning opportunities.” This wise maxim has encouraged me whenever I fail to reach one of my goals. Instead of being stuck with negative thoughts about myself, I’m invited to shift my mindset to become curious about how I might learn from the experience in order to achieve success later on.
5. Encourage by exploring opportunities hidden within challenges.
Another way to encourage clients is to help them see opportunities hidden within challenges and obstacles. Sometimes, when clients are stuck trying to get through an obstacle, the mere exploration of ways “around,” “under” or “over” that obstacle can be a heartening exercise.
Other times, an obstacle along a path can stimulate an exploration of totally different paths and possibilities that are more life-giving and fulfilling for the client.
6. Encourage by identifying courageous actions.
Many times, merely naming the courageous actions that the client has taken or is choosing to take is encouragement. Anyone who invests in coaching is already courageous because it requires a willingness to change and grow. Helping your clients to see themselves as courageous can empower them to follow through on their action plans and achieve their goals.
A client of mine is in a conflictual environment at work. She’s wired in such a way that tempts her to hide rather than to show up fully in her work. In the midst of our coaching conversation, it was evident that she was showing up fully, despite feelings of anxiety and a racing heart rate. I commented to her: “May I suggest that your anxiety and heart rate are ways that your body is reminding you that you are being courageous?” After a moment of silence, she responded, “Yes! I AM courageous!”
7. Encourage by celebrating victories.
Identifying and celebrating wins are sure ways to encourage and invigorate our clients. I’ve found that many clients tend to focus on problems, obstacles, and failures. Naming victories and identifying accomplished goals can have a powerful impact to cheer and uplift a client.
In a later conversation with my client in the conflictual environment, she was able to report and celebrate the increasing number of times that she was able to stand up for herself. Each time, you can hear the joy and pride in her voice.
8. Encourage by helping clients to identify and recruit cheerleaders.
Another way to encourage clients is to help them find others who can cheer them on and provide positive accountability. Helping a client find a supportive community is an effective way to support the client’s progress.
9. Encourage by reminding how far the client has progressed.
One of the joys of being in a long-term coaching relationship is seeing the progress a client has made in his goals. In those relationships, whenever a client feels a bit down about a current challenge, I often remind him how far he has progressed since the beginning of our work together. The ability to step back and consider the coaching journey with the “long view” allows the client to see the current challenge in its proper perspective.
10. Encourage by sharing what you’ve learned from the client.
At the end of the call, I sometimes thank the client for the insights or lessons I gained during the call. I find this to be encouraging to many clients because it underscores the fact that mutual partnership is at the heart of coaching. The client is the expert on his or her life, and the coach can learn a lot from the client’s expertise and insights.
So these are ten ways I encourage my coaching clients.
But wait! There’s more!
These ten ways are also effective and applicable to other relationships. Just substitute the word “client(s)” with “child,” “fellow worker,” or “spouse.”
I’ve used all these ten ways to encourage my wife, my children, my friends, and my colleagues. And they work!
What has been your experience?
What would you add to this list?
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